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Unfurling... like a bird finding its wings into freedom

(my words are inspired by my own experience of life as a self-identified cis-white woman. please know this exploration of self-love is equally important if you identify differently; may these ideas spark nourishing practices in your own further journey)

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

Lao Tzu

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What happens when we love someone in that all-in way?
Juicy Heart-Soaring Tender Passionate Love.

It adds magic to our days, a spring to our step, a smile to our face, and a glow – a gorgeous, unmistakeable glow.

A person well-loved becomes a person who carries herself with confidence, who has a gentle peacefulness, a certainty in the way she holds herself, speaks. There is a boldness in the way she claims her space in life, big gestures, a full-on presence and embrace. She is secure in knowing herself loved, and if all the world except this one person rejects her, she cannot be shaken from this absolute one certainty: she is loved, still. All is well in her world.

I promised you 10 Ways To Passionately Love Yourself. Because I want you to know this: how to love yourself fiercely, fully, passionately. So you can soar in the world, unshaken, safe in the knowing of your love. The most important love of all.

The Love of Self. Self-Love.
We are not taught to love ourselves.

Loving yourself seems wrong – if not explicitly condemned out loud as something you should not indulge in, then at the very least it’s like a niggling fear, an immediate summons of words like inauthentic, vain, selfish, indulgent, self-absorbed.

We are taught to yearn for the love expressed by others to feel fully appreciated, seen, valued.

And when we don’t have the gaze of others to tell us we are loved – we seek, often desperately, for a confirmation that we are love-able. That we can be loved. That we are worthy of love.

It is exactly that random seeking of love that is so dangerous to the self, and absolutely disastrous in having the courage to hold your big dreams powerfully in the world.

It shows up in endless self-doubt.

The inability to choose.

Beating yourself up for making the wrong choice.

Constantly seeking outside advice – the person who will tell you EXACTLY what path to take.

Failure to stand up for yourself in negotiations with friends, lovers, family and work-mates.

Not being able to say No.

Remaining silent when you should speak up – sometimes with awful consequences.

Dreading to take action that is slightly outside of the norm.

Fearing judgement, even fearing that you’ll lose the hard-won respect and, you guessed it, love.

Not wanting to create conflict.

Not being able to be part of a conflict.

Our constant seeking of love means we put ALL the power in the other person’s hands. Whether it’s family, business, love or ‘the outside world’ at large.

And fear of losing love (or appreciation. tolerance. whatever positive vibe, no matter how small we receive) keeps us playing safe. Playing inside the box.

Not a pretty place to be. I know, and you know, this all too well.

Unfurling... like a bird finding its wings into freedom

How To Create Your Own
Constant Well of Love

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​10 ways to passionately love that special woman
{you}
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So how do we learn Self-Love?

We choose.

▼  We choose to embrace that, as humans, we deeply, passionately, yearn to be loved.

▼  We choose to recognize that the need for love, if we seek it from *just anyone*, *just anywhere*, is belittling us, is keeping us weak, focused on how to get what we feel we so desperately need from ‘out there’ rather than going full-steam forward in joyfully building our dreams. We recognize it’s creating a fragility in how we value ourselves, and see our value in the world.

▼  We choose to dream and build our own vision of what OUTSIDE love would truly feel juicy, and honouring, and exciting, and deeply fulfilling.

▼  We choose to allow ourselves our own process of unfurling; of getting to the truth of what we desire. Because all of the choices we have made (and may still make at certain points in our now and our future) of partners, of overgiving, of imbalanced relationships, of settling, of not speaking up or not speaking our truth, of being accepting of non-respectful relationship dynamics (whether romantic, friendship, or work) – ALL of that is showing us where we want to be making different choices going forward.

▼  We choose to know that the only person whose love will always be constant, be there, is US. And that building that relationship – choosing to step into full-on self-love – will give us access to a never-ending well of gorgeous appreciation, validation, and the deepest acceptance. A feeling of belonging, always. Of being at home, within yourself.

▼  We choose to seek out ways where loving yourself doesn’t sound all that odious and selfish; rather, it sounds like the most normal human thing you can do for yourself, ever (because you are who you’ll be spending all your life with).

▼  We go explore.

And it can start here. With these 10 ways to passionately love that special woman. 10 ways to passionately love yourself.

  1. Prepare her favourite meal for lunch. Add in a good amount of healthy veg and fruit. Smile and see her nourish herself in an absolutely guilt-free & pleasurable way.
  2. When you pour her a glass of water, use the most beautiful glassware you can find. She deserves beauty, every day.
  3. Have a small stash of the most delicious dark chocolate you can find, for those days with PMS, a critical-moment PC crash, or just because.
  4. Massage her skin with long luxurious strokes, rubbing in coconut oil or her preferred body lotion so her skin is nourished and soft, like the Goddess whose daughter she is.
  5. Make a ritual out of the quiet moments, with her favourite music, a candle, and a steaming cup of tea or ice-cold lemonade.
  6. Have her stand in front of the mirror, gently stroke her skin, and tell her how beautifully perfectly woman she is.
  7. Whisper softly: I see you. I value you. I cherish you. I love you. You are my greatest gift.
  8. Write her a letter telling her all the things you so love about her. Her quirky toes. The slight tilt to her nose. Her big, beautiful, kind heart. Her courage and determination. The Italian renaissance poem she thought was terribly romantic as a 14-year old. The way she can still recite its passages. The soft kiss she gives her kids when they need to wake for school.
  9. Tell her to plan plenty of get-togethers with her best friends, because she comes back from those dates with the glow of a thousand stars and a smile to make your heart burst.
  10. Ask her what she craves, right now. And give it, freely.

Self-love.
It is incredibly powerful. 

It takes some practice – but each time you say yes to showing yourself appreciation, you are building your strength.

You create your own well. An endless source of positivity, encouragement, validation, and, simply, love.

And that is the power that can move mountains. Build Dreams. Change Lives.


It’s where strength meets courage. And world-changing magic is born.

Unfurling... like a bird finding its wings into freedom

So, today, I’m asking you, gorgeous.

How will you nourish your well, today, so you can soar, safe in the knowing of your love?

Which of these 10 ways to passionately love yourself can you commit to, today?

with so much love for you on your journey.

CLICK THROUGH TO READ: 10 ways to passionately love yourself as a woman. From Embodied Feminine Radiance. With fierce love, Kath - kathleensaelens.com

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